It’s been hours since I’ve heard the news, and I don’t feel any better. I actually feel worse.
He’s unconscious because of a concussion. The thought of him like that breaks my heart.
My chest has physically hurt, all day. That could be because I’ve been alone, in my apartment, all day.
I’ve struggled with feeling a sense of belonging in his life, because he doesn’t remember me before last November. I question if I do have a right to know how he’s doing, or if I’m right where I should be. Not because I don’t love him, but because he doesn’t remember much of me. It’s all terribly painful. I feel I’ve invested so much into him that I deserve and should get updates, that these recent feelings are insecurities… But I also want what’s best for him… And I want to be a good impact, a healthy choice for him.
Then my car, guys, yesterday morning, I nearly lost control of it twice. My breaks started grinding when I went in reverse recently, so I knew I needed to make an appointment to have an alignment done. I didn’t have enough money so I was going to barrow some from my bf.
Meanwhile, while waiting for the funds to transfer, I’m going down the highway, and my wheels wanted to take my car to the right… Rather than straight. I don’t know if the rain made it lose traction or what, but I haven’t moved it since.
All of this has happened at once… And me in my head is making my chest hurt more by the second. Sure I’m positive I’ll have enough to get my car fixed, I’m almost positive my boyfriend will be released with minimal issues…
But, right now, I just need people to tell me, you’re not alone. Breathe, hey listen to my day, just distract me with conversation or reassurance that everything WILL be ok.
I need that right now…. Not likes. Thank you all. 🌸💖