Featured 3: My Life · Featured 4: Favorite Writing · healing · Life · mental health · Whats Needed Said · writing

My Mental Health Journey 1

03/28/2019

Their rules were to confirm me into this individual I didn’t even know, into a boxed life I didn’t want. They didn’t know me though. I hid in my room for two weeks, battling my anxiety and depression. My mother thought I was sick.

Eventually, I left. Literally, I grabbed my most necessary belongings and walked to work. The night before, my parents ” put their finger down” again, and I knew I was going to kill myself… If I didn’t leave. At that point, I was fighting urges to go get a big carving knife from the kitchen. Maybe then, they’d stop their bullshit and actually listen, I thought.

My days of freedom began about May 2005. There was so much I needed to do. There was so much of life I needed to catch up on. I wasn’t prepared to do life on my own, but I knew if I could handle my childhood trauma, I could handle anything.

Since then, I’ve been married twice, divorced once. My apartment was illegally swiped clean of my belongings while I was out of town. I did graduate from a State College with a PreK teaching license. I have had several cars, lots of mistakes, debt piling up, and not much of myself to feel proud. (Still!)

In the Fall of 2012, I married a second time. It was another instance where I should’ve planned life alittle better… But, I was in pain. I just wanted to feel good at all. That comfort was in the arms of a man.. Or so I thought. I was also pregnant at that time. I didn’t do well organizing life, that’s for certain. These were my choices, though. Since 2005, my parents didn’t have the influence over me. They weren’t any longer apart of my life.

Married life was ok. He worked and I stayed home with our daughter. I was too dependant on him. I didn’t cook. I wasn’t working. I didn’t drive anywhere. I hadn’t any money of my own. We were doomed.

It wasn’t until 2014, and after a tragic loss of my husband, that I really began to work on myself. I had no choice but to keep moving, doing, and raising my, then, 18 month old. His suicide was his choice. It through me into all kinds of emotions.

20 thoughts on “My Mental Health Journey 1

  1. A very difficult and cathartic journey, Brandy. INTP here. I am glad that you have both the courage and the ability to articulate a challenging, personal journey into what clearly are useful, healing words. Nice.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I believe is so brave and outstanding to share your experience and being emotionally naked so you can inspire others! Salute to the person you become despite all this pain and difficulties, I’m sure your kids will be so proud that you’re their mother ❤
    Sending you much love and hugs ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. This moved me to tears. I’m so sorry for all of the things you’ve been through. *Big Hugs*

    You are my heroine! You took something painful and turned it into something beautiful. You decided to rise above it and not show the same darkness to others that has been shown to you. It takes courage and guts, and I not only commend you, my dear, I adore you for it! Keep pushing, keep striving, keep sharing your light. YOU are awesome!! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you my dear friend 💙💙💙 My testimony is an example of what humans ARE capable of when WE decide for ourselves what our lives should be. I’m so eternally grateful for you and your friendship!! Biggest Hugs!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aww, well now you’ve moved me to tears twice! I have a smile on my face this time though! You are absolutely right, but you deserve to be commended for it, because not everyone chooses that path. It takes strength! I’m so grateful for you and your friendship as well!!

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for sharing this with us, it must have been so difficult… I can’t begin to imagine living in your shoes, compared to you I have lived a sheltered life… I’m glad you found the will to carry on, you leave & start over. And I’m glad you continue to ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  5. It’s very brave of you to open up like this. This needs lot of guts. Traumatic childhood can leave very deep scars. I am glad that you have taken charge of your adult life. All the best.

    Liked by 1 person

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